A hero from a hero

The connection between my mom and I was short. She died of cancer the same day of her birth, July 17, on 2006. I still have these flashbacks when she was trying to protect me from things that were not right, or that big party where my whole family was there. You know, that party was my first and last best party ever. I was turning into a five-year-old kid that day. It was like my mom knew what was going to happen, and that she wanted us to have the best time ever before she left us. Everything was perfectly planned except the part when I was not able to say goodbye. When I was a kid, I used to think that doctors were able to cure everything. So every time I went to see her at the hospital I was a 100% positive she was going to be right. This is where I think it was my fault for not saying goodbye. This is how I start losing my positiveness. Well, it did not affect me at all because I was only a kid, but as I started growing up, things become worse at this point.

When my mom died everything became a disaster, even for me. My mom's and dad's family separated from each other and another bunch of conflicts happened. Sometimes I say my mom was the pillar of everything. Well, I don't know this part, and if I did, I will skip it anyways. The only thing I remember is that we moved and started having a new mom with a new brother. We were three kids now. I start adapting to my new mom and start liking her, but as the years went, I start noticing that I was wrong, like always. These last nine years were the worse thing that ever happened to me. I suffered really hard times and injustices. Well, to make things easier, everything that went wrong with the family was blamed on me. Thank God my parents noticed that they were putting too much pressure on me, by the first time, but, it did not stop there. New challenges came, not challenges, problems -  problems I was not able to understand. But thanks to my mom she left me with this shield full of knowledge, even when she did not teach me.

I actually had the opportunity to have some rest in vacations, well not all of them, but, something was something. Almost every summer or winter vacations I went visit my grandma in the United States from the side of my mom. I still remember the first time I saw my grandma, in years. I never felt so much calm. While the years pass, over and over, this great idea came, but I was not sure if it was going to work. The idea consisted of moving with my grandma. Yeah right, such of a great idea. Is not going to work, well you never know, I said inside me. I felt guilt about the idea because she did not have the strength to take care of me, and how could I run from a problem. I stopped for a second, and thought for a plan B. Maybe, if I wait to turn into an 18-year-old, I will have more authority about myself, but, I am way too far from turning into an 18-year-old, I said, so I think for a second again. If I wait to turn into an 18-year-old, I will have to restart school. I did not have really good grades at all in Mexico. Besides, I won't survive if I wait too much. I give up, I said, and forgot about the plan.
 
After a few years, this miracle happened. My dad asked me if I wanted to go with my grandma. It was rare to see my dad asking me that, but anyways, my stepmom refused it. I don't know why she liked bothering me and getting me in problems with my dad. Finally, my dad said yes, but he won't let me go until I answer him why did I want to leave. I lied, and said that I wanted to have better grades and a better future. Why did I lie? Because of the compassion my mom gave me (My dad did not know about my problems with my stepmom because of that habit I have). He said, ok, but you must promise what you had said, otherwise you will return. He did not want me to leave, and that was the thing I did not understand. My dad took me to the airport. He had already talked with my grandma, and I knew I was not going to have problems crossing the border because I'm America. We got there and waited for my flight. While we were there, I saw my dad crying by the first time. It was like he knew what was happening, even when I lied and when he asked me if I wanted to leave. The time had come, I took my backpack where I had some snacks to eat in the airplane because the food there was expensive. My dad hugged me and said sorry while he was crying. That was the first hug I ever got in years. While he was hugging me, I had this weird but nice sensation inside of me. It took me a few seconds to realize how a hug used to feel. My dad took like a minute until he stopped hugging me and said, take care of yourself. Inside of my mind, I said with courage, yes, like I always did. As a started going to the other side of the airport, leaving my dad behind. I felt guilt about not saying goodbye to my dad in a nice way. Even when he did not help me in the hardest times, I shouldn't have treated my dad like that. I went to the gate of arrivals and waited for the plane to come. I saw kids playing around with their mom trying to calm them down. I smiled, and reflected, none of this would happen if my mom were still alive.

Finally, the plane got here, we got in and saw some instructions for safety while other personnel was filling the airplane with gas. I was not paying attention at all. It was not the first time on a plane, but still, I should have paid attention, never knowing what can happen. I was thinking about all the problems I left behind, even my only brother of blood that suffered the same consequences as me. He did not accept coming with me, but I felt guilty anyway. I jumped from my thoughts when the plane started moving, and remembered what I said a few years ago, that if my grandma and grandpa were going to be able to take care of me. I did not worry that much because I turned fourteen a few months ago and I already learned how to take care of myself, but that wasn't what I meant. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and said, things happen for a reason. I calmed down, forgot everything, and fell asleep. This time I did not sew darkness, I saw. a fresh new start. 

"Me and the story continues..."

 

Today I am living the hardest block of my life, adolescence where people normally say things about me. Life has made me strong enough to forgive those that had hurt me, even the most painful ones, even those that had said things behind my back or even those, that I used to call friends and had betrayed me. Life had taught me a bunch of lessons, that I already know that I don't need to worry about what people think. Well, I wish I could listen to myself and to my own advice I give. Anyways, I feel like I had been called to something important, but I quite don't know what it is yet. What I know is that I still have some issues inside that I have to repair and I need to prepare myself for it, but it is just a matter of time until I change them. Somebody told me that I am going to teach what I am about to learn. That somebody came from my heart but the amazing part is that is that He told me that with the pass of the years, piece by piece. Well, today I am here trying to figure out my next step. Not easy work, trust me, but. it is never impossible.

  To be continued...