Dave Barry

Dave Barry is the greatest writer alive. He's admittedly older than dirt, yet he can still churn out books that are just as juvenile and stupid as anything that I write. He's hilarious, and I would give him large sums of money in large burlap sacks with big green dollar signs on it. I love him.

There's a second paragraph? OK, Dave Barry is also a good hero because he is capable of unassisted flight and he has the strength of thirty men. He is also a French Swimsuit Model, and an astronaut.

More importantly, Dave Barry writes satire; really good satire. He works at the Miami Herald and puts out a weekly column that, for the most part, isn't really that funny. However, he also devotes much time to writing really funny books.

I would do everything in my power to get a job like that. Write a funny column once every week and then write books when it tickles your fancy. Meanwhile, you get to stay home all day and do what you want and get payed for it, all under the guise of research.

And that's why Dave Barry is my hero.