Kitou Aya

These quotes are taken from Kitou Aya’s diary that she wrote during her lifetime. Kitou Aya was born on July 19th, 1963 in Toyohashi, Aichi prefecture. She was the first child in her family. She had three sisters and one brother. Her father had a tofu market that was in her house and her mother was a medical consultant. She was a beautiful, kindhearted and clever girl. Kitou Aya also joined basketball club in her school since she was in junior high school.

When she was 15 years old, she got Spinocerebellar Degeneration (SCD). It was an illness that makes the brain’s function, which coordinates a victim’s movement, go down drastically. Because of the illness, she couldn’t do her favorite sport, basketball. She also had to use wheelchair to quicken her movement and prevent her from falling.

“Where should I head towards? Even if there isn't answer, I'll feel better by writing it down. I've looked for a pair of helping hands but I couldn't feel them, couldn't see them. I only face towards darkness and hear the sounds of my hopeless scream.”

Kitou Aya was really frustrated in the first time she was ill. She didn’t know what to do to spend her little lifetime and didn’t want to suffer her friends and her family. Her boyfriend also dumped her because of her illness. It became worse after she heard her friends were talking about her sickness. They said she disturbed lessons in school and hoped that Aya could transfer to the special school for disabled people. She didn’t want to go to school anymore and her family decided to transfer her to the special school. Aya’s new friends, teachers and her family; they helped her so she could understand her condition and she saw her life differently. Her mother told her to write a diary to monitor her activity and her illness. She began to write everything about her feeling and activity in that diary although she was in hospital for rehabilitation or for her treatment.

“I really don't want to say things such as "I want to go back to how things were before". I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live on.”

She didn’t give up continuing her life. She didn’t let anyone and anything to block her way to help people who had same sickness like her. She wanted to help them by her experience that was written in the diary. Once upon a day, her school teacher at the special school came and met her mother. He wanted to publish Aya’s diary. He really liked her writings in the diary. He was touched by her writings and felt that Aya’s writings could inspire many people, the sick people as well as healthy people. Her mother told her about her teacher’s request to publish her diary. She was very happy because her wish to help people could become true by her diary. Aya kept struggling with her rehabilitation although she knew that it would be useless. She still did it because she believed there was a change in her body. After she graduated from the special school, Aya was unable to walk anymore and it was difficult to speak.

“I'm likely to only cause trouble for people and it might not really do me any good to stay here. Even if it's like that, I still want to stay here... because this is the place where I am.”

In May 23rd, 1988 at the hospital, she died surrounded by her family, doctor and nurses who had cared her while she was in the hospital. Kitou Aya really inspired me to respect my life because there are people who want to live on but they can’t. I was really touched by her struggle for life. She didn’t lose her hope continuing her life although she knew it would be useless. Although she couldn’t speak and couldn’t do some certain activity, she could help many people by her diary. She expressed all of her feelings when she wrote it. Everyone, who has already read that book, can feel her happy and sad feelings. Up to now, many people, including me, respect their life and take a good care of their life.