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My role model, my nana (father)

by Amardeep Chandra M from Hyderabad in India

144019M CHANDRA KUMARMY FATHER

I am fatherless son who is writing my story.

After having everything in my life, I feel alone without my dad. For more than nine years I watched my heroic father suffering and screaming in pain. Liver cirrhosis stole bits and pieces of my father nonstop for more than nine years. Despite the fact that my father was surviving "paracentesis," unable to eat or drink orally due to abdomen fluid removal and stomach enduring endless pain, I begged God not to take him because I simply could not imagine life without my father. 

I, my two elder brothers, and my mamma (mother) evolved into never ending hospital visits. Under that situation my father used to tell me to bring flowers to worship God. My father used to tell me, "Take care of mother, never let her cry in any situation." The love notes my father used to leave around the home for my mother were replaced by his shaky penmanship notes reminding him to take his never ending list of medications.

My family spent more than nine years searching for a cure for my father, begging God for mercy. I used to think that in the body the liver is only one body part which can regenerate itself. "I am literally waiting for a miracle," my father will be normal. But in true situation, it never happened. And one day in the early morning, my father sitting down from bed, I went near to him and asked father are you okay. He told me to lift him. He Needed to sit on the bed. I followed his word and I ran near to my brother's room and knocked on the door. My brother came out and asked me what happened. I told him father is asking me to take him to the hospital. I ran near my father, we three bothers taking my father near to the car, lifting my father, saying, "Nothing will happen to you. You will be ok. We are going to the hospital."

My cousin, elder brother, and elder brother, I went with them to the hospital. In the impact of covid-19 situation, the hospitals are full. We moved to two more hospitals where the hospitals are with covid-19 patients. My elder brother took the ambulance for move to the hospital. In the ambulance, my two hands, my father living his last breath, I was literally calling my father Nana, Nana, Nana... That was his last breath in my hands. I was literally crying like anything.

I went to the near hospital calling at reception for the doctor in the hospital. The doctor came to the ambulance and saw my father and told me he is no more. In that moment, I am crying and seeing my elder father, so I took my father home. When I lost my father, I lost a big part of my life, myself and my identity. The days following my father's death were spent in my bereavement bunker, my safe zone. When my father took his last breath, I lost my strength, I lost my voice, I could not speak to anyone and was crying sitting alone. My brothers and my sister-in-law gave me strength, giving me her baby to take care of, by which I could be normal. My pain was gut wrenching and never ending. There were moments, there still are moments, that I am positive the sound of my breaking heart are deafening to anyone around me. My father is not just my father, he is my role model. I used to ask all my doubts and decisions with my father. Even though I took a decision before I implemented it, I used to take his last advice. 

I and my father both have a great bonding. I love my father more than my life. In my life I know only one hero, that is my father. I just followed my father, my father did bodybuilding and appreciate in his college days, and he was a great officer holding a green pen. I never imagined life without my father. I just followed my father. He did bodybuilding and I did bodybuilding. I been appreciate in college. All possible because you, father, we spoke daily, sometimes multiple times a day right up until he took his last breath. Each day without my father is an adjustment, and as more time passes it is a cruel reminder of the massive void in my life. I still have moments when I retreat into my bereavement bunker because it feels as if the world cannot handle my grief. Death is uncomfortable for many. Death is a reminder of our own mortality, and mortality is an uncomfortable thing to think about. My father's last words were, "Son, never be fearful in any situation, remember be true and never loss or harm anyone."

Life is too big never lose your hope. Be fearless, challenge will be in every situation of your life. Still after saying this all, I can tell you that "I miss my nana (father)." In the journey of my life I lost my god that is my father. "My father" is "my hero" forever to me.

 

Page created on 4/19/2021 8:14:42 AM

Last edited 4/21/2021 6:05:40 AM

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