Carmen Lina Long

My mother was probably one of the most inspiring, strong women I've ever been blessed to have in my life. She suffered from bi-polar disorder, and was Schizophrenic. She also had a severe drug addiction to meth and heroin. Although she did many many bad things in her life, she always was there when I needed her. I lived with her up until I was nine, and then on my ninth birthday she went into the bathroom and didn't come out. I walked in and found her overdosed on the floor of the bathroom. I called the ambulance but by the time they got there it was already too late. My mother still, to this day, is the most beautiful, strong women I have ever known. I didn't really get to see my mother when she was sober, and I was also very young when she passed away, but one thing I was ALWAYS sure of is that every time she told me she loved me I could always see she meant it.

My mother taught me more then I think anyone else ever could. She was so in love with my father, that's the reason she overdosed...we later found out was suicide. My mother and my father were never married because they were both intensely addicted to drugs. I remember my mom would sit in a chair looking out the window from sunrise to sunset, waiting for my dad to come home. He never would. I know that she made a mass amount of mistakes and I know that most people would look at her and see a messed up, hopeless person...but to me she was beautiful. She always taught me to love with my whole heart, and never give up on myself or anyone I cared about, no matter how low they got. She hit rock bottom over and over and always knew how to pick herself up. I would give anything in this world to have my mother back, but I know that's not possible. I take comfort in knowing she's looking over me because despite her mistakes, I know she had an amazing heart.

My mother has had the biggest impact on my life by far. She was not only an example to me, but she was an inspiration. I have learned more from the mistakes my mother made, than the mistakes I've made in my life. I will never forget her, and I will always love her no matter what anyone else thinks or what they have to say about her. Even though she made really bad choices, I know it didn't make her a bad person. I'll never forget that she will always be my mother, and may she rest in peace in paradise ♥.