Are you ok?

by Yilin S., 14

I’m fine.

Don’t worry about me.

Thanks for asking.

I still wake up

With my sleep paralysis demon

Hovering in the corners of my rooms like unpaid rent.

I still get ready.

Do my hair.

Dress like how anyone would.

I go to school

Even when it suffocates me,

Drains me of life,

Tortures me,

Reminding me I’m just a word

From a book the universe is writing.

I laugh at jokes

That aren’t funny.

Maybe that’ll make other people happy.

I eat more than I need to,

Drink less than I need to,

Cry more than I need to,

Sleep less than I need to,

Shrinking my needs into uneven portions.

Slowly, I disappear.

The day I do,

No one will care,

Worry,

Be sad,

Or notice.

Right?

Sometimes I doze off, 

Imagine a life with no trouble,

Someone else's life maybe.

Other times I wonder

How I got here,

How I became so good at pretending

That there’s a reason for me to breathe

When most days

I feel like I’m a placeholder.

I don’t cry every day now.

At least not in front of them.

Now they believe it.

That I’m satisfied with myself,

I’m confident,

I’m healing,

I’m ok.

And that’s a start,

Right?

So yeah.

I’m fine.

Sorry to bother you.