Love in the Absence

by Emilee Sung, 13

We matured

From silence and slammed doors 

To late night drives 

Random side quests for boba

Random Target runs 

and walking Mindy at ten

I still remember that one night

When our parents created a hurricane in the house

Hurling words, hearts, and tubs of Vaseline 

I ran into your room crying

You gave me headphones and told me to sleep

I sat there in the sanctuary of your room

A place where I'm not usually allowed 

You stormed into the living room 

and stopped the thunder

I don’t even know how

When our grandma was on her deathbed

You gave me a hug

The first not-forced hug you gave me in twelve years

You knew I was not okay

As losing Nai Nai was like losing a mother

And then there was the time your friend used my towel 

You scolded her 

Scared I would break out in hives

You washed my towel before I came home

I wouldn’t have even known except your friend told me

You don’t say the words 

You show them

And that's one of the many things

I look up to you for

So if you asked me for my last chip, I would say no

But if you asked me for my kidney, I wouldn’t hesitate

If I begged you to play volleyball with me, you would say no

But you would be there for me the second it truly mattered

A year ago, I was terrified how you weren’t always going to be next door

You were going to college in a different state

A week after school started I ran into your room wanting to tell you something

All I saw was your empty bed

And so, after losing grandma

And now you

I have learned the courage

Of loving in the absence