Sladana Maksimovic

 A WOMAN THAT BLOOMED, HAD BROKEN WINGS AND WILL ONE DAY BE A RISING STAR.

                                                                       Efflorescence

Sladana Maksimovic was born on a dulcet day on 22^th of August, 35 years ago. Her name means 'dulcet' and it fits her quite well. In her 35 years of life, she had been through the constant bitterness of life, its stolidness, angst, but there were moments of ephemeral ecstasy. How do I know all this?

She is my mother. This is her story:

                                                           Broken wings

My mother has always been a free soul, sometimes she was stubborn and got spiteful, but was never mean or tried to diminish another. She had always been a true warrior and followed her dreams, she believed in miracles and Destiny. Even though life wasn't so generous to her, she never gave up. Her life went on through all the bitterness, sullen occasions, detestable words that were not true, she was indignant and on the bottom of all bottoms, but she fought along as a lioness that she always was. She despised life. How could it be so nonchalant and dreadful to her innocent soul? She hadn't even started living and was already jaded of it.

People around saw her as the worst person on the world, she was everything - except a normal person. She went to Ljubljana and started a new life on her own, still being in touch with me and her parents that I live with.

Who knows how many nights she wept and screamed in her pillow, trying to fear away the terrorizing memories  in her head that constantly reminded her of what people said once.

But a warrior as her never gives up.

She got through everything and got to the top of rapture, six months ago, her life started having sense, she found a nice guy to live with and we were happy together.

Until all the negative energy gathered again and sent another burden on her back.

The worst thing imaginable in this life.

She was diagnosed for pancreatic cancer that spread to other parts and became deadly. For a moment we thought that her life will end in one second, but it didn't. Fear is so big in human's eyes, but it only wears a fearful mask that we have to put off.

She wept a few days, but then she said: ''The cancer inside me is not bigger than me! I will survive!''

In some moments she tried to pull herself apart, but couldn't. She is meant to fight with the monster inside, but that took some time for her to realize.

She spent few days apologizing to me and saying how much she loves me, she embraced my face with her palms and looked into my eyes - my soul. ''I love you,'' she barely said through tears that stifled her. ''I always did.'' It took some time for me to become stable again and then I started thinking. We all have a purpose. We all have to learn something in our lives. What was our thing that we need to learn so much?

She had to see the world with different eyes. She said to me: ''Now I see the world's true beauty, I listen to bird's singing that is so calming, every movement seems reasonable.'' In fact, she had never been like that, she was a straight person whose life went on like streamline and never stopped, but now it did. She gazed into the tangerine, crimson, gossamer and mauve horizon and thought about... Well, what could a person with an illness like that think about?

I had to realize how cautious and despicable I was to some persons, even my mother. Sometimes, every person on the world was guilty for my suffering but, hey, don't tell me that you never felt like that! We argued like every person in the world and now it seems so painful. I think I deserve to go to Hell because of that even though it happened a long time ago, but it hurts now, it hurts so much that I can't even describe my lust for tearing myself apart. I hushed the urge but now it hurts so much to hurt her. I regret my past acts and I learned that being cruel to any person is not a solution. It's a cowardly way to push your pain inside.

Go to the top of a mountain and scream until your lungs explode, but never, never say something bad to a person that means something to you because, if something like this happens, you will regret for not spending all the time happy with your family, girlfriend, boyfriend, .

                                                                      Rising star

My mother is an angel with a pure soul, graceful heart and enthusiastic personality. She will go through all of this, I know it. When I see the glimmering in her eyes, the smile that shapes her perfect lips, the healing laugh that cures all wounds, I don't see a blanching person that falls apart. I see a star that will one day shimmer in its glory.

I wish I could be strong like her. I don't say I'm not, but how many people stay happy after knowing what are they carrying inside them, a slow killer?

She will always be my life inspiration, my muse and goddess of hope. Her life line will stream along as a fresh tear on delicate cheeks.

Mother, I want you to be a hero for all people on the world suffering from cancer, to me, to the whole world that you love so much.